Archive for October, 2013


Okay my title is a dirty lie; the flight had it’s moments. Here’s a breakdown of events based on notes I made at the time. Disclaimer: things might get a little squirrely

Stage One: Toronto to Vancouver.

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We said goodbye to our parents and then proceeded to walk away without looking back, because we’re badass like that.

8:30pm EST
Once we were on the plane, I settled in and watched “White House Down”, aka the other Whitehouse takeover movie of summer 2013. Lesson: Whatever you do, don’t ever mess with Jamie fox’s Air Jordans.

9:30pm EST
I looked across the aisle at Cam.

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No words.

Sufficiently traumatized I turned to a bag of chocolate treats for solace. Of course I epically fail at tearing along perforated lines. No knife, no scissors, I did what any  desperate man would. Grabbed a pen.

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Prison rules, baby!

11:30pm EST
Put on “Pain and Gain”. Jacked Markey Mark acting like a knob.

11:50pm EST
I realize I’m wired. Eating a whole bag of chocolate was probably a bad call.

1am EST
Landed in Vancouver

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Like I said. Squirrely.

Stage Two: Vancouver to Sydney

430 am EST

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13 hrs left in flight. At this point I’m losing track of time. The plan is to stay awake until about 10pm Sydney time to help with the jet lag.

5am (9pm Sydney time)
This is a stupid idea, I’m going to sleep.

Time unknown:
Air Canada doesn’t agree with me. An announcement blasts over the loudspeakers every time I doze off. It’s like some sort of newfangled Chinese torture.

Seriously, what time is it? :
Dilerium is setting in. That “Cage the Elephant” song starts running through my head. ‘There ain’t no rest for the wicked’… Please, Babe, just tell me what I did wrong so I can profusely apologize and get some rest *sob*

And who designed these airplane blankets anyway? You have the option of warming your toes or shielding your upper body from the incessant gail-force winds blasting from the fan above you, but “you must choose one!” (insert maniacal laughter)

2pm EST
I have reached a zen-like Yoda state. Time means nothing. 4 hours left in the flight. Pffft 4 hours.

9am Sydney time:
Praise be to all things holy, we have arrived. Bring on invasive security checks, just get me off this flying soul-sucker.

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*next post: sidewalk shenanigans, pee troughs, and other first day observations. Plus, German girls.

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Ready to go, bro

After 5 months of kind-of-sort-of planning, applying for and receiving our visas, booking flights, arranging banking, choosing insurance, and researching hostels, the big day has finally arrived – – I have successfully figured out how to pack my travel pack! I think…
Going into this whole thing I figured the most difficult part was going to be getting Cam to answer my texts in under three days. Just kidding, I was worried about flights mostly.

But seriously, Cam…

Anyway, after my packing experience, of being forced into such decisions as: extra t-shirt or two extra boxers, and, “do I really need a sweat shirt? I mean, it might get chilly. What if there’s a sudden climate shift and I have to walk the icey Australian tundra in nothing but my bathing suit and a light rain jacket? Well that won’t do. Now which one should I bring…”

Stressful choices, right?

And having to put the rejected items back in their drawers? That must be what it feels like to coach hockey. “Sorry kid, better luck next year”. Or something.

Despite these delightful internal debates, I somehow got everything I needed packed. I’ve got my passport and boarding pass ready, Lord of the Rings extended editions loaded up on my phone, and a brand new travel Australia guide (did I mention we’ve done minimal planning?). I’d say I’m ready to take on this 20 hour flight. Hopefully. Whether I’m ready to survive 6 months in the country that inspired “Wolf Creek”, and is home to pretty much all the man mangling wildlife in the world, is an entirely different discussion. One I’m ignoring.

I’ll catch you all on the flip side.

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